FIA FORMATION BECOMING BODY 12.01.26 - 12.03.26 LAYERS

1 DaY ONE


/ MY HEAD IS SPINNING FAST / AT THE END OF MY SPINE / UNTIL I HAVE NO FACE OF DIRECTION AT ALL / AND YET / IF I WOULD SHUT UP / EVEN FOR A WHILE / PERHAPS / I WOULD START HEARING / THE DISTANT RHYTHM / OF A ODDLY FAMILIAR TUNE - / AND RECOMPOSE MYSELF / PERHAPS / HAVING DECONSTRUCTED EVERYTHING / I SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT / PUTTING EVERYTHING BACK TOGETHER / SILENCE OR NOISE



----- Retro-prospective nostalgia
Imagining when being in the present moment looking back at the moment in the future
Perceivable awareness that changes all the time ------



ROLLING / REVERSE \ REPEAT / RETREAT <<< REORGANISATION 
WHAT I SEE, WHAT I HEAR, WHAT I THINK, AND WHAT I FEEL, I WANT TO UN-KNOW ALL I DON'T WANT TO BE ME I WANT TO JUST BEBEBEBE







"I love all the results of having a big butt."
"It's part of being a human."
fRAgG+mENTS of naRratIOn:
Dancing Weightless, feel so heavy
my hand escapes compulsively
ascending to impudently caress my BaCkhead;
Into the soup, my Lips would never,
Dragging forth, sliding back < BACK 
Oh nausea...thoughts don't occur
<--- BACK << back ... gOoogoGo!!
Hide in the whiteness of space
b-b-B-bouncy wall, back BCK <<< -- BAck
Secretly storing it for subsequent dissemination
My sated smile as confirmation.
I catch my armpit while rolling.
FeET holding half the SpecTaclE 
imprisoned strands of my stray hairs
Render... useless
UNLESS B-bBBbb ---
baaaaaaaaaccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk
videOTAPE -- LIVE



SELF OBSESSION...? EVERYTHING i DO I SEEK FOR  mySELVES. (multiverse) (MULTITUDE)
WHETER THROUGH LOVE, ETC ETC. but i can ONLY exsist when YOU exSist. 
I'm me becasue of you, YOU are you Because of ME.






"the knowledge came to me from doing it myself." 
"Isolation can lead to melancholy and sadness, but solitude is the condition that I believe an artist has to take for a longer period of time in order to create her own work. Solitude is a conscious choice."
"What is the function of an artist?
Each artist you ask will probably have a different answer. But mine is definitely consciousness-raising. Start with your-self; change yourself. If you change yourself you can change thousands."
- Abramovic
DIALOGUE OF VIBRATIONS; 
loving someone, in first instanceits somewhat of projecting an image on another
same as looking at beautiful art, music etc. 
seeing myself therein for a part. but the best version, or desire to be or have
' i want to have what i don't have '
a game between what i already become and what the other triggers in this.
it opens doors. surroundig with beauty etc...
The mind, left unchecked, turns inward and plots against itself.
Mmmmmmind is a storm.
One of great power if honed. But if I've gone this far, my storm distorts vision.
The decisions that will haunt me are made when the sky is loud. 
It is during these moments that unconsciously experiencing emotions are expressed through the ego.
The great paradox is this:
the ideas that truly shape my life do not arrive through force.
they emerge when I release the grip.
when i stop chasing answers and allow the noise to settle.
Let go.
once the sky clears.
the answer, which was never hidden, finally reveals itself.
To manifest, i must ALIGN. I cannot become anyone else because my story is mine and mine alone. 
That's why I helped create Path. Learn  who i are??????




1 FIA day 2 (so emotional) + feeling of exclusion bc. LANGuage + >>> relationship with lari problems
crawling, wrinkling, i'm churning and cramping in.
below the floor some rumbles happen, get away! go! ... displacement
my feet so cold that it forces me to leave to where's warmth
in a state of safety and security i might be so switched off,
permanent impermanence. Zombie mode?
i never felt a need to survive, fight with all i got
SO I DANCE !!!!!!!!!
>> made a random story frm three objects out of my bag:
"A DANCE BETWEEN WORDS AND LETTERS"
"TENSION, EXPANSION, INFLATION" 



1 Fia day THree --- LAYERS 
Watched the SQUARE moVe: Arrivals hesitations, the way a body speeds up. I traced them as lines, because a line is what remains when a person has already passed. Some lines were quick and sharp, cutting across the square. Others bent, slowed, looped back on themselves etcetc..Maybe nothing moved. Someone stood still long enough to thicken my ink, to turn a point into a small knot of time. 
sometimes there was a coalition of people that would cross each other, but they did in another layer, as depth of field would be the illusion layers of close and far away.
my eyEs caught a bunch of people pressed together, which formed an energetic compression, an oscilation of radiations. so my pen was transmuting this energy on my paper.
I layered the papers because the square never happens just once. minutes are arbitrary and faintly echo beneath the layer of the past: a slice of itme according to EINSTEIN's relativity theory. The lines overlapped, crossing strangers who never met, sharing the same stone seconds apart.
each stone experience multiple interactions in a day, interesting...some stone maybe many more touchings with people's feet then others, and this changes by the day.
When I lifted the stack, the square was no longer a place but a memory of movement: fast, slow, interrupted. A choreography with no music, only passing. The people were gone, but their walking stayed a trace: wether on my paper or on the stones.. Sliced and strolls of time, coming and going. ON-goinG.





1 Fia day FOUr 
I'm PART OF THE GROUP Now (as only ENglish speaker, getting over my big anxiety of being excluded) >>> childhood trauma kind of SHITTTT. But I'm not excluded, we need time to get to know each other and comfortable with adaptation is next. I' m PROUD of myself I don't run away, btu engage the at first tuogh confrontation, emotional BATTle, I conquered !!!!!!
DANCE IN THE ROOM, DANCE WITH THE ROOM, DANCED BY THE ROOM
A STONE IS SO GOOD AT BEING A STONE, WHY THE FUCK IT TRY TO BE A CACTUS OR SOME SHIT?
0011010there's something about being so good at what you are.0010011110


1 FIA dAy five
DETERMINE THE NATURE OF THE GAME
REBIRTH: today i was expressing how i got born + went for a shitty soup with faye and we played hide and seek all of us in the train station and i run for my life against antonio rolling on the floor. btu I left A bit earLIER because i Got ReSTless again


2 fIA Day siX
COMBInaTIon >> in ourselves we already famililiar, know the drill by now.. BUT we KEEP DISCOVERING through other things, wether surrounding of place OR people >>>> CI <<<< warmth, radiation of chi etc etc. this is ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES: we can also reDISCOVER who and what we are because of others
Sophia called me: The TRANSLUCENT ONE, LAYEred, Opaque too??
I was dancing wIth the tambourin, shaking and vibrating myself first and the dounds follows :::: TAMBOURIN = extension of me, from one hand to the other, like a plate then throw it to stop the vibrations, to then proceed proceed proceed proceeee
MIRRORDANCe:



2 FiA DdAY SEvEn 21.01.26
___a performance with 2 or 3 boxeS (or other ProjEction ForMS) like ZAcquel's performanCE. and PROJECT MYSELF on there, or in there. ...
RUI AND ME IN CONVERSATION
R: Between the steps forward and backwards is an elasticity. The inspiration comes whilst working, picking up bits and pieces along the way. Sometimes I have visions, I almost can grasp it, I almost can see it, I have that. It’s like eureka moments. But because I'm open in my body, it can be demanding..all this exposure
A: In the process I have to loosen up the track of my initial approach, as unexpected things happen along the track. Prediction is removing unpredictability. It’s the baby steps, the layers that make a unity, collected surprises. It's easy to get overinspired; ideas that are not executed are innesesary distractions. My journey as a creative is to make the mystical and abstract of thought tangible: and in that translation or that transition is the beauty. A process of clearning out, leaving remnants of meaning for a moment.
figuring out by messing around, activating senses. 
R: I spend too much time on the computer, I have much more physical corporated energy in order to let it flow, I have to put all my body to someting to relate with what I'm actually doing. I always find out the essence and the meaning of things, of nature, on the simplicity through sensibility.
A: I'm constantly seeking for love and beauty, in all possible forms. It brings me into another state of perceiving, interpretating. I assume this is what artist do? There's so many beautiful moments by itself, it is supposed to just characterize a plan or a fragment from there and bring it into the artwork. Find out something more simplistic but not simple, because we embodied everything. 
R, When we were on that element of dancing, after dancing and dancing and dancing, then I still wasn't on the element. what I see here, it's you, me, Sophia, one of us just moving into the space. Just fluxes. 
A: The choreography becomes a floor map, when we draw movement in space. It can be a score: dancer number one, do this movement and then crosses it, and then go and spiral etc etc. I just got another amazing idea, because each drawing could be also drawn over Again for like whichever lines happen by the hand, which is also a part of choreography, like the motion of the hand. We are always drawing when we're dancing. 
My digital work is a tool and I can go into a very, very complex landscape if I dive too much in there. I can get easily lost on the complexity and in all the features and everything. Try out to be on the place of the observer and trying to find the essence of it.
Still, it could be my partner, my copy: A DUET WITH MYSELF.
R It's like just because you know how to do it and you have the means in your possession doesn't mean that you have to use it all. And sometimes the difficult part is to peel, peel, peel, peel, peel, peel, peel until you get to the bottom and to the essence of it. 
A For example, you spread the narrative over three plates. if you pick one plate, the whole focus goes to only this plate. So it's way more loaded. This is way more like a powerful one plate. Because we don't look at three plates at the same time, but only one. So sometimes it's more like finding a more tangible language. 
That's why I like poetry. Because this profundity comes with emotional empathy, it has something to do with relatability or familiarity.
Wabi Sabi = this one little flower in this total gray concrete floor. This is poetry.
R: I don't spend so much energy anymore on putting on minimalism, abstractism, suggestionism, whatever ism is. It's like it's life happening. I just don't throw boxes anymore into reality, especially the artistic ones. I'm doing research and that means that I'm walking on nobody's land sometimes. So not taking all the boxes with me, I will be lighter to do this, these walks.
It demands a lot of technique to do research. The technique is something that has a natural adaptation towards the moments and the contextualization of where you are, of what you want to express, or what you are living. And you find it beautiful like the flower on the concrete, but that is just a flower on the concrete from a minimalist perspective. Or it's the complexity of all the force of life going through and breaking out the concrete because it needs to come alive. And that brings us not to a very simplistic minimalistic concept. it's life itself. And life sits on a super intertwined, hyper beautiful pulsar of living, which is all the planet's surface. That's not minimalist at all, you see. So it's really the way you put the magnifier lens there. So what's the purpose of bringing the box?
I call it suprematism because it reminds me some suprematism, like some Kandinsky molevi, blah blah, blah. So I can go for the suprumatic, but I like the supromatic more because of the matic, because it comes in a very automatic way, not from here, but for an automatism that comes out of my body after coming out of this element as a dancer. So it's more automatic, it's automomatic, let's call it so. It's more tangible somehow.
A: The center point of all research is the body. And you cannot have one without another. So the center for me is always this divine machine that is my vessel in this incarnation. And since I born, I cross lines, energies, food, experiences, lovers, hiking, life itself in a daily basis. This body is crossing it all the time. These layers and layers. And embodied the experience. When I do this gesture, this gesture comes as the moment of the here and now of all these that my body passed through.
R: Okay, so that's why you go and see these dancer performance of these amazing la la la, whatever that means. And then what they have, it's the minimum in order for you to just feel the essence of it and the. 
A: And I'm considering to use video because I want to see how these central points here will react when is submitted to these inputs, how it will affect this center point and how it will come when I bring these inputs.
R: we also have another variable, which is here we have the observers. So the observers, I do believe that the presence of the observer brings another layer of reaction through the body. And the observers, they are in the context.
A: copies and repetitions. i feel this happening when i'm doing one thing for very long, where there's no variable. it becomes a pattern.
R: And this goes for my individual perspective and for the collective urban landscape in this city that I born., so simple
A: ABOUT IMPOV: I don't really believe in, like you going out on the street and doing exactly these movement there and there and there. Because if you do that, you will not allow yourself to be this membrane of feeling, the energy that surrounds you. Improvisation holds technique as well, obviously. But technique is usually something you depict or you decide beforehand...or its already embodied and you are READY. And its the moment of that "click" now i'm ready. A lion doesn't warm up, he's always "ready". doesn't warm up. He's ready because he is on that element of improvisation, of surviving, of awareness, of connection. Is really bringing ourselves into different situations and practices that allow us to be more flexible and stable of in everywhere that may come. For me, it's really bringing this awareness of our body and consciousness of being ready for any situation. It's a non stop, non stop happening. In this interactivity with each other, And I love that because then it's like we're really training. when you going out, you even without thinking it, you are more aware. And you are more centered because you train like a lot of people being and playing children in a very truthful way. We cannot forget that playing is where every masterpiece starts. A creator, as someone that believes in beauty and reflects it and plays. Everything goes back to going back. ANy concept or an idea, the idea starts from this nothingness, emptiness. It's a very biological narrative... "Wow what is this??!! It's my hand, I'm seeing it like from an perspective of amazement, curiosity, virginity". It's automatically leading to something that we can grasp as "technique", but just for the moment...to embody it, and then let our memory decide wether to keep it for a day, or 10 or 4 years... And the longer it sticks the more repetitive it becomes until it's shedding off. Time incentifies us to make  place for more input to combine again with different dots. Memory is a foundation which comes from a repetition from something that happened earlier. We hold things in our heads, a lot of, like, fragmented pieces and bits and whatever. And improvisation is just like bringing back things that still stick. It already happened. Born, die, born, die, born, and that's why to love life so much. Even my innocence, it was reactivated. It's REVERSE MODE / rewinding the tape... BUUUT in doing that it's still a continuous movement forward, as creation is always moved by time that goes on and on. Never stands still or goes back. Have memory and somehow kind of go in there and swim a little bit on the line of time. But our memory and somehow our system is connected to the past because we were embodied a lot for sure. It's an ancient ritual to reborn again because like nature, like nature keeps on reborn in cycles. So it's this natural flux of life. And I think because it's a continuum, it doesn't really have like past or future. It's just a continuation of the diversities.
R nd then just let it go in order for you to get another one and honor the continuation and all your life to go forward, forward or go in another element that hopefully it's a better version of yourself. And what is a better version? I think A better version is always more simple and connected to our essence, our essential, what we really, really are. 
A: Can't seperate stuff. your attention and consciousness, it's here in this space, in this element, in this bubble. But this is 1%, maybe less of your body on functions because in a conscientious level. With conceptualization and coming up with descriptions and themes is always like trying to grasp something that is ungraspable, It's like the undoing to a point where you need to or not need, but you will discover anew again from different ways. It's like I'm used to this rope being yellow or WHATEVER, but today I'm having another way of perceiving the rope: we can make things different by removing concepts, biases and presuppositions, judgements. A babby don't know what "yellow" means, so if you explain that in our perception green is yellow. the baby believs that green is yellow. Now the baby is discovering what green and yellow means to HIMSELF! and abby can come up with whole different interpretations...because this is imagination, it's your perception, it's not a choice, it's an intuition or a feeling you have that decides that this is red and not green. Just like almost everything, the definition yellow, green, everything, etc. is based on scientific proof. Do we assume this for ourselves, shutting down our imagination, or do we explore anew? like improvisation lets us research, to question and rethink. Because if this is scientifically proven green, it's not interesting. And it's also impossible that science is "the truth", because everything is a concept in itself, a word. It depends on which perspective... 
R: Because for someone that borns in the by example, the Amazonian jungle, they don't have one unique sound for green related to green. They have 100 words or sounds. Otherwise they will lost in the jungle. So these subtle differences they have different words, different sounds that relate to the different patterns of green and it's the IN-BETWEEN GREENS that make the spectrum endless. Science is just talking. We are just talking about words. And perspective, it's different, which holds the beauuuuuty.
A: We are not making things happen, we just live life that always happens, and we're clinging, collecting, constructing, combining fragments to thereafter contextrualise for communication. So language is super super limited. ONLY OUR BODY can go through the same process, but EMBODIES and communicates in many more ways. Example: I cannot say that i'm a monster, but I'm embodying monster and showing you what is my monster. I don't give words to it, but what I can convey goes beyond. It hits your emotions, imagination much more than interpreting by logic brain, pre frontal cortex. It makes such a genuine and pure connection, I feel more so I'm more connected with ... you, you or you, whatever.


2 FiA DdAY EIghT 22.01.26 xxx


2 fiA daY NineE 23.01.26 
RELATIVITY OF TIME AND SPACE
Physical Thinking.
Creating letters, interpreting, snapshotting it, i'm offloading memory and you can now take it


2 fiA daY ten 24.01.26
xxx It was with Cristina Ellias, we laughed on command one after one.


3 FIA dAy elevEn 26.01.26
EASY LIVING — rafael toral 
Today performed with Leonore, I was seeking her feet, inspecting, discovereing, as they were bare at first. I was doing this searching around and hiding at times, crawling and creeping toowards her. 


3 FIA dAy TwelVE 27.01.26 FIRURATIVE FORMATION
Lost in translation: trying to convert my burning mind-trips into physicalities. something with mirrors, something with searching, reflection..
i just stood there next to her performing. i perceived tenderly and gave structure to her movements.
>>> MARINA Abrahmovic <<<
“ART VITAL
NO FIXED LIVING PLACE
PERMANENT MOVEMENT
DIRECT CONTACT
LOCAL RELATION
SELF-SELECTION
PASSING LIMITATIONS
TAKING RISKS
MOBILE ENERGY
NO REHEARSAL
NO PREDICTED END
NO REPETITION
EXTENDED VULNERABILITY
EXPOSURE TO CHANCE PRIMARY REACTIONS”


3 FIA dAy ThriTheEn 28.01.26 -- research on video and projections in perfromance
Historical and Foundational Works
• Laterna magika (Magician’s Lantern) — Mixed live performers with film projection and scenic visuals as early as Expo 58 in Brussels, combining cinema with theatrical dance and dramatic live imagery. (Wikipedia)
• Early Videodance and Camera-Dance Experiments
— Before and around the time of Live, choreographers such as Trisha Brown danced with projectors strapped to the body (e.g., Homemade, 1966) or used cameras as performative elements, exploring embodiment and mediated imagery. (kunstuni-linz.at)
 Dance Works that Integrate Video / Projection
• Lucinda Childs – Dance (1979)
A seminal collaboration (Childs/Philip Glass/Sol LeWitt) where film projections of the dancers are shown alongside the live performers, creating layered spatial and temporal perspectives on stage — conceptually akin to Live’s blending of live presence and mediated image. (Wikipedia)
• Bill T. Jones – Still/Here (1994)
A deeply multimedia performance integrating video, spoken text, and projected images—where dance and projected media intersect to communicate embodiment, narrative and lived experience. (Wikipedia)
• Bridgman|Packer Dance (USA)
Their practice explicitly embeds live camera work and video projections into dance performance, treating the camera as a partner and compositional element on stage. (Pentacle)
Contemporary and Multimedia Integrations
• Chunky Move – Mortal Engine (and similar projection pieces)
Internationally known for movement + responsive projections that turn dancers and visuals into co-dependent elements on stage (interactive and abstract imagery). (create activity)
• Real-Time Interactive Dance / Projection Works
Examples such as ReTraces (Tanja Råman + live manipulated visuals) and interactive cross-media pieces combine live movement, sound, and digital imagery in real time — a technological extension of Live’s use of media in performance. (corpusweb.net)
• Miroslaw Rogala — Mixed Media Performance
Though not strictly dance, his works like Nature Is Leaving Us and EdgeMode blend large-scale video with live performers, introducing layered, synchronized projections that interact with movement and music. (Wikipedia)
Related Forms and Approaches
While not exact counterparts of Live, these practices reflect aesthetic/technical affinities:
• Dance-film hybrids / screendance — works created specifically for the camera or that employ the camera as an expressive choreographic tool (building on ideas visible in Live). (University of Valencia)
• Motion-captured and interactive projection dance
Contemporary research and performances that use motion capture or tech to generate visuals live, evolving what video ballet began by linking movement and mediated imagery. (ResearchGate)
Faye said I’m a space cadet: Dreamy person as fuck..and my BIGGEST TASK is to FIND THE BALANCE BETWEEN bringing people in my Profound inner world and be “SALESPERSON” enough to keep their attention not drifting away in my mind alone
3 FIA dAy FourTeeN 29.01.26 -- 


LAYERS: about the togetherness of people and their patterns in this world. A choreograhoy of chaos and complexity
projections of 
tried to share my research, but i guess it's NOT important what's my research. I NEED to SHOWWWWWWWW it, through my BODYYYY and VIDEOOOOOOOO
EUREKA EUREKA:::::::MY PROJECT... IT'S HAPPENING, IT'S HAPPENING IN THE VERY MOMENT I TRY TO GRASP IT. THIS IS PROOF THAT I'M THE SUBJECT OF MY RESEARCH. TRYING TO GRASP, BUT WHILST TRYING I'M ALREADY LIVING IT. I'M RUMINATING ON MY IDEA, WHEN I WAS PRESENTING IT. ALWAYS TRYING TO CONCEPTUALISE IT, ORDER THE CHAOS. BUT MY PROJECT IS ABOUT ME LIVING THIS CHAOS, THIS ANXIETY OF TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM AIMING FOR >>>> IMPLICITLY I'M ALREADY PERFORMING MY WHOLE RESEARCH. IN EVERYDAY LIVE.
Sophia said: my quality is TENDERNESS
also, art students and artists are too much brain too little body. How can we make art and not know our body’s.
NEXT STEPS: GET THE FUCKING VIDEO MATERIAL: 
PROJECTOR
3D CAMERA


3 FIA dAy FivetEEn 30.01.26
What is the phenomenon I’m going through: I try to grasp a concept to perform, doing hardcore research etc, and going inward a lot, trying too hard… but implicitly, whilst doing so i’m already performing the concept… it’s like a dog trying to catch her own tail:
A few names for the phenomenon (they overlap, you’re kind of sitting in the middle of them)
1. Reflexivity / Self-referential loop 
You’re studying a thing that includes the act of studying itself.
So the research gesture becomes evidence of the concept.
Like: observing observation. Thinking about thinking. Performing performance.
In philosophy and art theory this is classic reflexivity — the moment the frame becomes content.
The “dog catching her tail” image is spot on: there’s no outside position anymore.
2. Auto-performance
Without intending to, you’re already enacting what you plan to stage.
Your inwardness, over-analysis, looping, exhaustion, obsession — those are not prep, they are material.
The concept doesn’t wait for the performance; it leaks into life.
This happens a lot in:
*performance art
*method acting
*practice-based research
*psychoanalytic work
*auto-ethnography
The self becomes both subject and medium.
3. Pre-enactment / rehearsal collapse
Normally there’s a clean line:
research → rehearsal → performance
You’re experiencing a collapse of phases.
Rehearsal is performance. Performance is research.
Time folds.
This is why it feels frustrating and dizzying — there’s no “later” where it resolves.
4. Hyper-intentionality (trying too hard)
This is the trap part.
When meaning is over-gripped, it starts slipping away.
You’re so conscious of “doing it right” that the system overheats.
In phenomenology and Zen, this is often described as:
*“effort blocking insight”
*“the will interfering with experience”
*“trying to be spontaneous”
You can’t force the tail into your mouth.
5. The paradox of embodiment
You’re trying to understand something that can only be lived — but you’re already living it.
So the question becomes:
Do I need to exit the loop… or frame the loop itself?
Often the artistic move is not to escape, but to declare the loop as the work.
A gentle reframe (this might be important)
What if this isn’t a failure of clarity, but a sign that:
*the concept is working
*it’s contagious
*it doesn’t tolerate distance
*it demands embodiment before representation
In other words: the work is already happening to you.
One practical artist question to sit with
Not to answer right away — just to let it hover:
What changes if the performance doesn’t try to explain the concept,
but simply exposes the loop you’re stuck in?
No resolution. No catching the tail.
Just staying inside the spiral and letting the audience feel it.
If you want, next we can:
*map this loop visually / structurally
*connect it to specific artists or theorists
*or translate it directly into a performative score or TouchDesigner logic
This is fertile ground — even if it feels maddening right now.


4 FIA 02.02.26
danced hard today


4 FIA 03.02.26
so tired today


6 FIA 09.02.26
so tired again, i am dancing a lot and my body is getting wrecked...but because of this also stronger...i'm transforming but